AYOOLA ADETAYO


Cheating partners deserve payback; but to what extent? [Credit: Theminecraftserver]
It’s pointless at this stage to fixate on how common cheating is, or the absurd amount of effort and secrecy it takes to keep up that kind of life.

Cheating is an unwanted reality which, unfortunately, can’t easily be cleansed off the fabric of society, as highly desirable as that might be.


We once published a Twitter user’s story detailing the catastrophe a man faced when his fiancée caught him cheating and refused to say anything about it until months after their marriage was sealed.


Reading the full story will give you a better insight into what really happened, and the conversations prompted by it.

 How far is too far when getting back at a cheating partner? [Credit: Mocha Girls Pit Stop]

Forgiveness and communication of feelings and emotions are obvious topics to be drawn out from there, of course.

But then, the story also makes one wonder: how do you deal with cheating partners?

How do you get back at them for the emotional anguish and bitter disappointment caused by their lying tongues and inability to stay faithful, committed and exclusive to you as they promised to be?


We’ve heard stories of women who go on cheating campaigns of their own as response to their philandering boyfriends and husbands.

Some slash tyres, smash windscreens, rear screens and dent every possible part of the men's cars. There’s also the one about a certain lady who burnt a foot of all the pairs of shoes her cheating boyfriend had.

“Girls Trip” actress, Tiffany Haddish also shared during AN interview on the "Breakfast Club" that in order to get back at guy who played her, she pooped in his favourite shoes and tricked him into stepping into the shoes shortly afterwards!


That stinks, literally, but you really can’t blame her, as many people have different reactions to being cheated on and anyone who intentionally cheats and breaks the heart of someone they claim to love doesn’t really deserve much pity.


Should you even be getting back at someone who cheats on you?

Well, forgiveness is a great, advisable virtue but it'll be unwise and naive to expect everyone to forgive, move on and just let things go. Hell no! Not every girl is just going to cry, throw few lame punches and walk away, leaving a cheating, inconsiderate boyfriend or husband for God to judge.

For some people, the idea of letting things go involves letting out steam in one crazy form or another, and if that madness is directed at a partner who pushed them to those extremes, then fair’s just fair.

However, at what point do we draw the line in these instances, and when can one be said to have crossed the line of what’s acceptable as commensurate retaliation when a partner cheats and makes you feel like a fool?

 Anything short of a criminal offence might be acceptable in dealing with a partner [Credit: Binhu]

Obviously criminal actions might have no justification here, and being moved to commit a felony because of a partner's unfaithfulness will not excuse you from the punishment meted out by law for such offence.

Every other thing is pretty much open to debate.

In the story referred to at the beginning of this article, the babe caught her boyfriend cheating thrice and said nothing about it. In fact she returned on one of those days to have sex with the guy. Then few months after, the guy proposed and she said yes.

They had a traditional marriage and from all indications, a lavish wedding ceremony, and still she said nothing until the marriage was signed and sealed. It then turned out that her body felt repulsed every time he initiated sex with her.


She would later confess to why she did not consummate the marriage, but that was only after pressure was mounted on her, months into the holy matrimony.

 What if she has been cheating and you find out [Credit: Black Excellence]
What if she has been cheating and you find out [Credit: Black Excellence]
The lady in question claims she wasn’t particularly out to get back at her husband. Her hope had been that marriage to him would make it easy to forgive and move past the whole issue without having to breathe a word about it.

Reactions to this story have majorly been to castigate the lady as being vindictive, petty, wicked, horrible and other similar stuff and it’s really hard to not see her in that light.

It is pretty arguable that she served him a measure of disappointment mightily disproportionate to the one he served her, and that she intended it all all along.


But then, there really isn’t a measurement for the amount of pain she’d have gone through, seeing him sleep around and cheat serially the way he did.

There’s also no way to measure the sadness and frustration she probably felt, being unable to consummate the marriage and enjoy the pleasures of sex like every other married woman. [Mind you, she was already exposed to this fun and sweetness of sex before she married.]

 Cheating does not always have to be the end of relationships [Credit -Shutterstock]
Cheating does not always have to be the end of relationships [Credit -Shutterstock]
So while one might be moved to make a hasty call on who is right and wrong here, it should be seen as an unregulated case of action and reaction. When you are tempted to call out the woman for fighting dirty, try to also wonder why the guy did her dirty.

Why didn’t he stay away from all those other girls when he decided to get serious with her?


It'd be pleasant if everyone could stick with their partners and shun side chicks and side guys but by all indications, this will probably never happen.

So maybe it’s about time people began to prepare for the effects of cheating.

If you’re going to be that person who breaks trust and cheats on their partner, then be ready to face whatever comes out of it and you’re not permitted to cry foul when your pained partner pays you back in a heavier coin than yours.

You can’t determine how your partner reacts or what they choose as payback when they catch you cheating because when it comes to matters of the heart, there aren’t rules guiding reciprocity.

What you see is what you get.

Mary Benedict

1) DARING YOUR HUSBAND TO BEAT YOU:
You block the door way, then dare him to beat you up and see what will happen. A Lot of women have done this and end up regretting.

2) DARING YOUR HUSBAND TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN:
You will be making a major mistake if you dare your husband to sleep with another woman. You may live to regret it.

3) NEGLECTING YOUR BODY AND LOOKS BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED:
“I am married i can relax, after all who is looking at me.?” He married you Slim, sexy and trendy. Next thing you become obsessed, dirty and shabbily dressed.
It is the mistake of most careless married women.

4) DENYING YOUR HUSBAND SEX REGULARLY:
You are a career woman; You are an overly religious woman… Hmmm! You feel sex in marriage is secondary, you deny your husband your body regularly, so he is sexually starved and intimacy famished. His Secretary, colleagues and girls in church are seducing and begging him to come to them but you have padlocked your Jerusalem and expect him not to lust after others. His mind will drift from you towards them.

5) LEAVING YOUR HUSBAND FOR YOUR FEMALE FRIEND TO CATER FOR:
“My dear friend, please be my eye as I travel for this one week, help cater for my husband and my little kids”. By the time you are back, your dear friend has so really helped you by sleeping with your husband and expecting a new baby as continuation from where you stopped.
If at all she has not eloped with your man, leaving your children all alone.
It is very stupid to commit your husband into the hands of your beautiful and very active friend.

6) LEAVING YOUR HUSBAND IN THE HANDS OF YOUR HOUSE MAID:
Your maid is the one that cooks,cleans the house, cares for the children and your husband. You suddenly become a lazy bone since the arrival of the maid. All you do is shout and place orders. Not bad! But if your husband feels more love and care from the maid, sister that maid won’t struggle to snatch your husband. You are the one graciously giving him to her and those that need him.

7) EMPLOYING A FULLY GROWN, RED BLOODED LADY AS A MAID:
She is fully grown up and well endowed back and front very tantalizing. She dresses skimpily and sexily like an actress, cat walks like a model and that is your own house maid?
What a mistake!

8) EMPLOYING A HOUSE GIRL THAT IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU:
Employing a house girl more beautiful than you is a major technical mistake most women make. This means you are using your money to employ a rival for yourself. Don’t be foolish when getting a maid. They act dumb like maids to you for the time being but when your husband starts sleeping with them, you will be shocked they are more agile than you when they start fighting you.

9) USING ANALOG BRAIN TO LIVE WITH A DIGITAL HUSBAND:
Your husband is growing with ideas and all; you contribute nothing than sitting down at home to eat. He is dressing like a guy with jeans and face cap; you are celebrating the fact that you are a married woman to a Yuppy cute man. Your husband is on *Twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp, Skype etc;* the only thing you know about mobile phone is receiving and making calls. Your husband is talking about stock market; you only talk about tomato market. He’s talking about Forex; you are talking about fruit and vegetables only. He will see you so backwards, local and dumb. Upgrade please!

10) FAILING TO COMMIT YOUR FAMILY INTO THE HANDS OF GOD:
A wife won’t do well if she fails to commit her family into the hands of God regularly. Don’t make such mistakes of thinking you are in charge of your husband and marriage and you can handle things. Be prayerful, hand over your family to God daily. May you never labour in vain and another reaps where you have sown!

11) FIGHTING YOUR MOTHER IN-LAW CARELESSLY:
You may fight your Mother in-law dirty and think you have won especially if she’s innocent, you will end up losing. Her son and herself have been friends and lovers for years before you came; may be before you were born. She was the first ‘wife’ of your husband and also the first ‘girlfriend’. Her son cannot divorce her and she is more experienced than you in matrimonial battles, in fact she is a veteran of many conflicts. Yes i know that a wife becomes a priority and number one and some men try to place their mums above their wives . That is stupid and sickening! Apply wisdom and talk to God and your husband about it. But don’t come in with the intention to separate mother and son. Respect a worthy mother in-law. Not all of them are wicked. Not all are witches. You meet a wicked one, apply wisdom and avoid her ways.

12) TELLING YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE:
When you tell your friends about your sex life and how your husband rocks you, you are indirectly telling them to go have a feel of him. They can size you up and know whether your husband is hot or not, whether he is sexually fulfilled or not. They may even know your Husband’s “turn on” and use it against him then grab your husband. Most women have carelessly lost their husbands as they boast to their friends “my husband is too sexually demanding, he is an expert when it comes to sex, he is a horse, he almost kills me in bed, he has a horse size” etc… Your friends will pick information like this and cover things up where you have been failing.

13) REPORTING YOUR HUSBAND TO HIS MUM:
It looks beautiful to report your husband to his Mum, but the end result will hurt you. Most mothers will support their sons any day; children are always right before their Mothers. Seek counsel in the right quarters, never report your husband to his Mum unless his mum is so god fearing, honest and impartial.

14) LETTING CHILDREN TAKE THE PLACE OF YOUR HUSBAND:
Many wives abandon their husbands, denying them of love, care and attention as soon as babies begin to arrive they transfer all affection to their kids. To sleep in bed, they put the Baby in between themselves making the man feel lost and the bond divided. No warm hugs, caress etc.

15) USING SEX WRONGLY:
Sex is supposed to bind you both together, it is supposed to create intimacy and love but in many homes it is the bone of contention. Some women do turn sex to a tool of manipulation;
Some use it for trade by barter. *Some wives will suddenly become commanders at home when their husbands touch them for sex, ordering the man around, “go and off the Fan” “go and lock the gate” “go and check whether our children are sleeping” “How about that money I asked you to give me?” Etc…*
This is just too bad.

Some wives sleep like log of wood in bed while some even wear Jean, knickers to bed.
Nothing sexy
Nothing erotic
Nothing romantic
Nothing Inviting!
If you continue like this you will hurt your marriage deeply and you may destroy your future also. He will start lusting and chasing sexy daughters of Jezebel out there who may fetish him out of home to themselves

A smart wife builds her home, the stupid ones are careless. I know you will be like…. Why can’t he have self control and stay faithful?

Forget it dear.

We are all humans and things push us to do things we never planned.

*Be wise!!!*

Is jealousy killing your relationship?


By Eje Peter 
Jealousy in a relationship is no walk in the park, it can threaten even the strongest of relationships. It causes fear, pain, guilt, insecurity, anxiety and fear of losing your loved one.

Martin is an extremely jealous lover, how can I make him understand that I love him and I am not looking for someone else, said Christine in distress. He continuously accuses me of paying attention to other men.

His extreme jealousy is tearing the relationship apart. He believes I will leave him for someone else; an illusion he seems to have become obsessed with.

His accusations are untrue, unfounded and extremely annoying.

Martin admits he is extremely insecure and does not like it when potential males pay attention to Christine. He does not even want them to look at her, least of all greet her or look in her direction, showing any interest or familiarity. He does not enjoy being in public with her because she captures a lot of attention, which annoys him greatly.

When she meets someone she knows she chooses not to speak to them because if he catches her chatting with her colleagues, he accuses her of having an affair and even gets physical. This applies across every male, young and old, close associates or even relatives.

Most people experience some level of jealous, especially when they have strong feelings of attraction and love for their partner. A little occasional jealousy does not hurt, it is sometimes healthy in the relationship as it adds some flavor.

However, when jealousy is excessive it is dangerous. It is said that a spark illuminates a room but a blaze burns it to the ground! Jealousy is a common complex of normal emotions. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word jealous as ‘feeling or showing resentment towards a person one thinks of as a rival’.

This definition indicates that it is the belief in the presence of rivalry that is the key issue, and that whether or not such a rivalry truly exists is less important. When Jealousy is excessive it is referred to as morbid jealousy. How jealous is your partner? You could be having a case of morbid jealousy.

Morbid jealousy, also known as Othello syndrome or delusional jealousy, is a psychological disorder in which a person is preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or sexual partner is unfaithful without having any real proof, along with socially unacceptable or abnormal behavior related to these thoughts according to Wikipedia.

Morbid jealousy presents irrational thoughts and emotions associated with inappropriate and extreme behavior in which the dominant theme is a preoccupation with a partner’s sexual unfaithfulness based on unfounded evidence (Cobb).



It is worth noting that partners may be faithful yet they are viewed as unfaithful and cannot be trusted. This perception of the partner, strains the relationship and it is not unusual to find domestic violence prevalence in these cases.

Martin and Christine are not alone, many couples report having extremely jealous partners and domestic violence cases are mainly attributed to jealous partners. Therapists frequently encounter jealousy problems in their clients typically seeing the problem as a symptom of a troubled relationship.

According to the writings of Psychologists, Stephen Kellett and Peter Totterdell on “Taming the Green-Eyed Monster, it is helpful to adopt known therapeutic approaches in resolving the problem of morbid jealousy and it is necessary to seek professional support when morbid Jealousy is recognised.

They recommend the following;

1. Identify the situations most likely to trigger your jealous feelings.

2. Reflect on the thoughts you have that seem to lead you to feel the most jealous.

3. Connect your thoughts with your emotions.

4. Challenge your thoughts and beliefs.

5. Put a stop to jealous behaviors.

6. Focus on the issues in your feelings about relationships

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An old video of Cardi B admitting she used sex to drug and rob men of their money has surfaced on the internet.
In the video, the Grammy award-winning rapper says:
“You gotta go to a good school yo and you gotta put in that bread. I did it with my money, so for a b*tch to say that I don’t motherf*cking deserve it cause I don’t put in no f*cking work, now that’s when I feel like n*ggas is buggin’.
“Cause I did it myself. N*ggas must’ve forgot my n*gga, the sh*t that I did to motherf*cking survive like I had to go strip. I had to go ‘oh yea, you wanna f*ck me? Yea, yea, yea, let’s go to this hotel.’ And I drugged n*ggas up and I robbed them..”
“That’s what I used to do. Nothing was motherf*cking handed to me my n*gga! Nothing! So for a b*tch to motherf*cking say that I don’t deserve sh*t that’s when I know that they’re f*cking buggin’ cause they do not f*cking know the sh*t that I had to do.”
Rapper #CardiB admits to using sex to DRUG men and ROB them of their money.

pic.twitter.com/vIYYP1fMfr
— 24/7 HipHop News (@BenjaminEnfield) March 25, 2019

The video comes after it was reported that she is suing two bloggers for defamation after they alleged she had sex for money and has herpes.
Reacting to the viral video in a series of
tweets, she wrote:

How To Manage Feelings For Your Best Friend

By Eje Peter, 
Friendship is a beautiful thing up onto the point one person crosses the lines of friendship and begins to have romantic feelings for the other. In most cases, we tell ourselves that we can manage our feelings but realize over time that is not possible.

Now you are in a bind about what should do with your emotions. Maybe shout out your feelings or hide that burning secret from your bestie.

Below are helpful tips on what you should do with your feelings for your bestie:

Be honest with yourself

Emotions have a way of clouding one’s vision of a certain situation. Now that you have feelings for your friend; you need to ask yourself genuinely what do you want.

Take a risk

If you have come to the decision that you want to have a romantic relationship with your friend then the next step is to take a risk. Two scenarios will play out:

Your friend may reject your feelings which may affect your friendship negatively overtime
Your friend may reciprocate your feelings which could strengthen your friendship.

Let go

After being honest, if you decide you can’t risk your friendship then you have to let go of your feelings. Feelings need time to heal or resolve so you have to be patient with yourself. You can’t unlike a person fast especially if the person is a close pal.

Meet other people

Try to mingle with other people and enjoy other relationship. This helps to reduce the sting especially when you have decided to let your feelings go.

Don’t stay offended

It is quite easy to stay offended at someone who did not return your feelings. Choose to forgive and move on from bitterness.

TEV_media

The Top 5 Mistakes Women Make When It Comes To Men

Dating sucks. It can be fun, but sometimes it gives me the biggest headache. It gives me a bigger headache when I catch myself or one of my girlfriends making the same mistakes when it comes to dating.

Many women for some reason naturally overcompensate and lose themselves too quickly in the beginning of the relationship. We all have the one friend that disappears the moment they get a boyfriend, and then comes crawling back three months later after they break up like nothing ever happened.

I’ve taken note of the many recurring mistakes women make when it comes to dating, and how to fix them:

Forget Their Own Interests

He likes you for a reason, aside from your face and body. Having your own interests, routine, and way of life is what makes you stand out from the rest of the women. If you’re in a book club, don’t stop attending your weekly meetings because he wants to watch Game of Thrones . Or if you have yoga class every Wednesday night and he wants to take you to dinner on that night, tell him to work around it.

Don’t stop your world and everyday routine for a man you’ve just started dating. Continue to focus on yourself, your goals, work, and own interests.

Ditch Their Friends

This one bothers me the most out of all of these common dating mistakes.

A couple weeks ago I went out with a couple of girls and a majority of them had boyfriends. They weren’t able to fully enjoy themselves, left early, and some were even crying because their boyfriends didn’t like them out at night.

Let me point something very crucial… if a guy has guys night, he’s not canceling a night out with his boys for anything . If you say you need help folding laundry, he’s still going. If he’s going to Vegas for the weekend, you can blow up his phone all you want, but he’s not going to come home sooner.

So why do we women ditch our girlfriends or cancel plans to be with a guy? He’s still going to like you if you see him after your set plans. He may even find it sexy, too.

He wants to invest his time in a woman, not a puppy that will roll over and play dead on command.

Social Media Stalk

It’s pretty simple, if you’re not exclusively dating then you’re probably going to see something you’re not going to like. There were girls before you, he has female friends, and he is a human so he socializes through direct messages and comments on pictures. Spending your time trying to see who he may have been interested with in the past or if he met someone new over the weekend is a waste of your time.

You’re making yourself paranoid, filling your insecurities, and not making room for growth and trust.

Girls will comment on his photos, and his response is a reflection on the value he has for your growing relationship. If she’s a friend, he’ll tell you. However, if he’s putting flirty emoji’s on many girls photos, that’s a reflag you shouldn’t ignore.

* Side Note* Try to avoid subliminal messages on social media too. It’s immature. If you want to get his attention or if something’s on your mind, just tell him.

Attempt To Be “One of The Guys”

Those are HIS friends. Not yours. You can have mutual friends and keep it cordial, but don’t have all of his friends’ numbers and think your “besties”.

How would you feel if your man had all of your girlfriends’ numbers and was texting them to grab lunch? I would imagine uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, his friends will always have his back first. So if you and your man are in an argument and you confide with his buddies… they’re most likely going to relay the message back to him.

Stick to your own friends, be nice to his, and try not to tag along to every football game with the boys.

Put All Their Cards on The Table Too Soon

Everything must be earned. Whether it’s sex, a home cooked meal, or tickets to a basketball game. If you spoil him right away, he’s either going to think you’re easy, desperate, or both .

If you make him a four course meal and slaved hours over it, and you haven’t been dating him for more than a month, you’re overcompensating. If a man bought you a Chanel bag on a second date, you’d either think that you don’t have to do much to get more out of him or that he does this for everybody.

Don’t tell him your whole life story, the bad breakups you had that shaped you, or how much weight you want to lose right away. You don’t want to scare him away. Think of it like this: if a movie trailer gives the ending away, are you going to spend money and sit in a theatre to watch it? Didn’t think so.

Be confident, act like the queen you are, and watch him prove himself that he’s worthy of your time and attention.

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